I must admit that brotherly love is a concept about which I’m still learning the basics. As a kid, I would pray and pray for a brother. When I was 3 years old, my mom told me that she was going to have a baby, and that it was a boy. I lit up like July 4th - finally, I was going to have someone to throw ball with, to look out for, and, I hoped possibly to take the blame for some of the trouble I caused. Soemtime after that my parents called me into talk. They told me God wasn’t giving us a baby boy after all. To my 20 year old mind, that means that my mom miscarried. To my then 3 year old mind, it meant wondering why God would not give me a brother. Had I done something wrong? Was I just not good enough to have one?
But never give up on God. God has this tendency to give us what we need exactly when we need it. God did give me a little sister, Caitlin, who (Lord help us all) has recently turned 16 and has also become one of my best friends in the world. Almost 3 years ago, God led me to a very special group of young men at Furman University who called themselves brothers of Pi Kappa Phi. Suddenly, God had given me almost 70 brothers to love instead of only one.
The important question is what being a brother both in the familial and fraternal sense has taught me about this phileo kind of love. As I often do, I must turn to song. There was a popular song in the 60s by the Hollies called, “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother.” Let’s check out a few of the lyrics (see sidebar).
“The road is long
with many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows where
But I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother
So on we go
His welfare is my concern
No burden is he to bear
We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother
It’s a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we’re on the way to there
Why not share
And the load doesn’t weigh me down at all
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.”
Loving someone like a brother means being willing to carry them when they can’t make it on their own. It also means being willing to let them carry you when you’re out of gas. This is a hard lesson to put into action. We live in a world that tells us to worry about lugging our own weight through life and let everyone else learn how to carry themselves.
Nuh uh, says Jesus. “Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” No way, says Paul the apostle. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” And this doesn’t just go for the guys - this is for sisters, friends, peers, anyone. Did you know there was once a time where you would never address anyone in church without calling them “brother” or “sister”? What if we could do that again? Maybe we don’t need to use the words, but we sure could use the actions. Be there for your friends. When your best friend breaks up with her boyfriend, hurt with her. When your buddy is excited because he made the football team, be excited with him. Learn to carry the people you love. That might seem difficult but remember. . .
They ain’t heavy. They’re your brothers (and sisters).
T.J. Cofield is a student at Furman University. He has served the last two summers of Seesalt program staff. A religion major, T.J. is a violinist, avid Furman football fan, and quite accomplished on Guitar Hero II among many other things.
