Since Allison Blackwell and E.A. Cox are the two most recent staff members that taught the sex & dating PIC at Seesalt, we thought it would be best to talk to them on the subject of purity. The following is a series of questions that Allison and E.A. responded to via e-mail.
E.A.: Purity is seeking to be like Christ in every aspect of one’s life: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Purity is a constant journey of seeking God, it is not a one-time event or decision, but must be continually ongoing.
Allison: By definition (forgive my English major-ness), purity literally means the quality or condition of being pure. Several synonyms for “pure” include innocent, chaste, absolute, and virgin. These are all ideas that are often applied to our sexual lives, but like E.A., I agree that these aspects must apply to every ounce of our Christian lives. We must be innocent, chaste, absolute, and virginized in our thoughts, words, actions, and impulses through our mental, physical, and spiritual capacity.
E.A.: Although most people think about sexual purity when that word is mentioned, the reality is that purity is much more than sexual. We are bombarded with sexual images and ideas all day long. We are also bombarded with romantic ideas and notions about love and marriage. And just as we seek to be pure sexually, we must seek to be pure in our hearts and minds. What we fill our minds with are the things that come out of our mouths, therefore we must seek to fill our minds with things that are glorifying to God.
Allison: The phrase “just sex” is quite an understatement! Although many people take for granted the sanctity and purity of sex, it is still a hot topic in society. But beyond that, we must remain pure in all we do. Perhaps one of the best “pure strategies” I can offer is BE AWARE. Be aware of the situations the people around you create. Be aware of the movie you plan to see Friday night. Be aware of the websites you visit. Be aware of the role models and influences you look up to. And most importantly, be aware of the influence you are to others. Recognize that while your actions most certainly affect you, more often than not, your actions are also impacting others. So be aware that your thoughts, words, and actions are always pure.
E.A.: For me, one of the biggest obstacles was the television and movie image of what romance and marriage were supposed to be. I found myself dreaming of my future husband and our wedding day. These thoughts took me down a bad road and kept me from seeking God. I also had to struggle with physical boundaries in relationships and self-control in that area. Unfortunately, many people struggle in this area and people in dating relationships must communicate with their partner to establish strict boundaries and have outside same-gender accountability to keep those boundaries.
Allison: I totally agree with EA that the biggest obstacles that challenge our purity are directly related to society’s influence in our lives. For me, it has been a consistent challenge to stand up for what I believe is right and pure, even when I am the only one standing. As Christians, we should take a stand for what we believe as followers of Christ and represent His purity through our deeds. For those of you who attended my Dating and Relationships PIC at Seesalt last summer, one of the things I stressed was ACCOUNTABILITY. It is so easy to make a personal decision, not to share it with anyone, then to talk ourselves out of the commitment we made to ourselves. After all, we’re not letting anyone else down - only us! But if you trust someone as an accountability partner, you not only let yourself down, but someone else, too. Share your struggles with purity with an accountability partner. That’s almost guaranteed results!
E.A.: The world view dating as a social opportunity, and although that idea is not necessarily wrong, the level of emotional involvement in a dating relationship is significant and dating to just have someone to hang out with isn’t always the best plan.
Allison: I believe that the world mistakes dating for a hobby. So often, we become reliant on dating relationships. Some refer to this as “girlfriend/boyfriend hopping.” We “go out” with someone for a week or wto then two days after the break-up, we “date” another person for the next couple of weeks. Dating is not based on convenience! One of the most important things to realize about Christian dating is that it is based on a commitment both to your girlfriend or boyfriend and to God!
E.A.: Many Christians view dating as a way to find a spouse and do so by dating everyone in the youth group who’s available. So many times Christians think they have to be in a relationship and do not see value in being single and using that time to seek God and grow closer to Him and to same gender friends.
Allison: E.A. hit the nail on the head. People date to find a mate (it even rhymes)! I believe tis is even God’s intention of dating, but I don’t think He meant us to go on dating-sprees or to have the youth group ranked in order of possible prospectives. And perhaps another misconception among Christian dating-circles is the idea of “missionary dating.” It is so very important for Christians to fellowship and date fellow believers. This encourages us and promotes our walk with Christ and strengthens the relationships if both partners are striving toward a Christian goal.
E.A.: Guarding your heart is a huge responsibility. I was never one to guard my heart in relationships; I was quick to give it away and hope for the best. Unfortunately, my heart was crushed and broken by guys who did not appreciate or even acknowledge my gift. Then God spoke to me about my heart and its value; He encouraged me to trust Him with my heart. And it was a hard choice to make, but once that I knew in my heart was right. Giving my heart to God was also a daily decision; I not only had to give it to Him initially, I had to let Him keep it. I did not fully give my heart to my husband until the day we said our vows. I knew then that Chris was one to see what a precious gift my heart was and he worked to protect it. During our relationship, Chris also encouraged me to guard my heart, unfortunately, not many men do this, although I believe it is something each man should do.
Allison: Guard your heart, because broken hearts hurt. E.A. shared her personal experiences with guarding her heart, but my experiences are a little different. I never dated anyone during middle or high school. This wasn’t because my parents wouldn’t let me or because I didn’t want to, but I realized that I didn’t need a dating relationship just to say I had one. I guarded my heart and refused to settle for anything less than what I knew I deserved and what God had planned for me. Then, once I was in college, I began dating the man I am now engaged to! I am thankful that God taught me patience through waiting and not settling for less than my best (And if you want to know the truth, I think I ended up with way more than what I deserve! I’m so blessed!).
E.A.: Everywhere, pure and simple.
Allison: Simply put, EVERYWHERE. As Christians, every aspect of our lives should be God-filled. As cheesy as it sounds, I like to think of purity as a Krispy Kreme chocolate-covered, creme-filled doughnut. The doughnut itself represents our lives, and it tastes pretty good. The chocolate covering represents the world and society’s influence on our lives, and it definitely adds a kick to the plain ol’ doughnut. But the creme-filling is the absolute best part; it represents the timelessness of God and all we’ve endured through the chocolate covering and the doughy bread. And when we finally get to the middle, it’s all worth the wait.
E. A. Cox is a graduate of Furman University and is currently attending graduate school at Converse College. She has spent the last two summers working on Seesalt’s program staff. She is currently studying to teach high school social studies. When not performing at Cornerstone Theater, she spends time with her husband Chris.
Allison Blackwell is in her senior year at Gardner-Webb University. She spent last summer serving on Seesalt program staff. However, she will not be on Seesalt staff this summer since she is marrying fellow staffer and Organgeburger Todd Arant in June. But we like them both, so we won’t hold it against them.