When I began to enter in to upper level classes within the Christian Ministries department at Anderson University, I was so excited!  This was exactly what I wanted to study for so many years while studying other things I had to get out of the way.  I could not wait to begin looking at the big questions about scripture and theology, learning so many things about my faith and God which I did not yet know, but would soon rock my world.  I do not believe it is a stretch to say that, to me, the whole thing was somewhat intoxicating.

I had no idea how easy it would be for my love for the study of God to replace my love for God.

As I studied through courses about the resurrection of the Son of God, the Q source, all the types of scriptural criticisms, Christian thought, covenant theology, the great reformers of church history, and the letters of Paul, the Sacred Scriptures which once breathed meaning into my life and gave me hope quickly became a source of frustration and stress for me.  No longer could I pick up God’s love letter and enjoy passages as beautiful as John 1, but now I had to approach it from an exclusively academic point of view.  I had to evaluate the sources for this book, the prose of the chapter, the theological significance and relevance to the Old Testament, and so many other things.

Every passage was simply a paper waiting to be written, and I was tired of writing.

The lowest point came in a class that was on the life and letters of Paul.  At the beginning of the semester, the professor asked the whole class to stand up.  As he would ask a controversial question (such as does Paul teach that women should not be in ministry), we as a class were instructed to move either to the “yes” wall or the “no” wall; it had to be a black and white answer with no middle ground.

As the semester went on we would cover each of these controversial issues on a weekly basis, each week consisting of debate after debate on “what ‘that’ means and how ‘this’ should be taken.”

About half way through the Spring semester, I desperately longed for the “joy of my salvation” to be returned to me.  I wanted to enjoy reading Scripture again, enjoy going to church and listening to a good sermon, enjoy sharing my faith with others through writing and talking about it.  I missed the sweet simplicity of the Gospel that was and is my capstone.

So I sat one day and poured my heart out in front of an array of black and white keys with nothing around but an empty recital hall.  What came out has come to be one of the most special songs to me because it says exactly what my hearts’ desire is; to simply sing of Jesus in all I do and to be in constant wonder and amazement of Him.

I don’t want to be bogged down by things I don’t understand anymore!

I don’t want to lose the joy of my salvation ever again!

I don’t want to ever stop wanting to learn more about my Creator, but I always want that knowledge to do nothing but cause me to love Him more and kindle a passion to share that love with those who do not yet know it.

So this is my song, my prayer, my story.  I hope it brings someone back to the beauty of the gospel, for “it is for freedom He set us free.”